“Pain is unavoidable. Suffering is optional.”
Maybe somebody hurt you physically or emotionally. Maybe you’ve survived something else disturbing like natural disaster, a fire. Or maybe you’ve just come out of a trying situation, and though you know you’ll eventually recover, you continue to feel pain that looks unbearable.
Whatever the situation may be, you’ve been scarred and you carry it with you through many of your days.
Most people can relate on some level to that feeling. Even people who excel at taking personal responsibility have at least one story of having been hurt.Though some of us have endured more serious things, you really can’t quantify
compare emotional pain.
To a teenager who just had her heart broken, the pain extremely looks like the end of the world. In fact, Livestrong estimates that every one hundred minutes, a teenager commits suicide—and that the quantity of suicides in high-income families is that the same as in poor families.
Presumably, not all of those teens have suffered incomprehensible tragedies. What they have in common is pain, born from completely different adversities and circumstances.
When you’re pain some people might tell you to “suck it up and deal,” as if that’s a valid solution. they may say “it’s all in your head” and assume that reasons away the pain. But none of that will help you heal and find happiness from moment to moment.
Like everyone, I’ve been hurt, in both profound and trivial ways. I’ve dealt with it using the following ideas.
1.Define your pain.
It’s not always easy to identify and understand what’s hurting you. Some people even stay in abusive relationships as a result of it’s safer than acknowledging their many layers of pain: the low self-esteem that convinces them they deserveabuse,
the shame over being treated with such cruelty, and also the feeling of desperation that convinces them there’s no possible way out.
The first step toward finding happiness once having been hurt is to understand why you were hurt, to get to the root of everything that makes the memories hard.
2.Express that pain.
There’s no guarantee that you’ll be ready to communicate however you feel to the person who hurt you; and if you can, there’s no guarantee they’ll respond how you want them to. Say what you need to say anyway. Write a letter and burn it. Get it all out.
This will help you understand why you’re hurting and what you’ll do in the future to avoid similar pain so you can feel empowered instead of victimized.
3. Try and Stay in the Present.
Reliving the past can be addictive. It gives you the chance to do it again and respond differently—to fight back instead of submitting, to talk your mind instead silencing yourself. It also allows you to possibly understand better. What happened? Wherever did you go wrong? What should you have done?
In alternative words, it allows you to torture yourself.Regardless of what you should have done, you can’t do it now. If you have got post-traumatic stress disorder, you may need professional help to avoid revisiting the incident. If you don’t, you need sustained effort. Fight the urge to relive the pain. You can’t go back and find happiness there. You can only experience that now.
4. Forgive yourself.
Maybe you didn’t do something wrong but you blame yourself. Or maybe played a role in creating your current situation. Regardless of what happened, you need to realize that what you did isn't who you are. And even if you feelimmense regret, you deserve to start today without carrying that weight. You deserve a break.
You can either punish yourself and submit misery, or forgive yourself and create the possibility of happiness. It comes right down to whether you decide to move on. Which do you choose: anger with yourself and prolonged pain, or forgiveness and the potential for peace?
Happy are those who take life Day by Day, Complain very little, And are thankful for the little Things in life